July 29, 2009

July 27, 2009

In life, we all have defining days that make us or break us, or do both. Days that are marked as a distinct line that divides the before and the after.

For me, that day was July 27, 2009, when, in the early morning hours, my mom lost her battle to cervical cancer. There in that hospital room, with her closest family and friends surrounding her, she took her final breath and was finally free of the pain that consumed her for more than a year.

I was 19, had just finished my first year of undergrad at UNC Asheville, and had no idea how her death would impact the course of my life. But the moment my mom took her last breath, my world was forever changed.

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Wedding Planning Update: Busy Weekend Ahead

When People Ask How's Wedding Planning Going

It is Friday afternoon and I am currently tucked away in my office, eating lukewarm pizza leftover from last night’s dinner, and trying to make sure I have my to-do list in order before heading into the weekend.

It is going to be a busy one, packed full with wedding planning chores that HAVE to get done because we are running out of weekends before the wedding.

As of now, we have eight Saturdays left, and four of those already have events planned. So, technically, we only have four free Saturdays left (yay, I can do math!) to finish DIY projects, buy decorations, order whatever needs to be ordered, and make sure everything is organized and ready to go.

OK, bring on the panic attacks.

But really, I have no idea what the “F” I am doing most days. How are you supposed to plan a wedding, work full-time, continue to grow your relationship with your partner, watch Netflix, walk the dogs, eat, drink enough water, and still find time to maintain an acceptable level of personal hygiene?

Is it even possible?

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Not Your Average Marriage Proposal

“We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird.
And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
— Robert Fulghum, “True Love”

Justin and I are weird.

OK, perhaps weird is a strong word to use to describe us. But, we do like to think of ourselves as not average and different from the majority of couples our age in that we have done life a little backward and out-of-order.

And our engagement story is representative of our weird life together.

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Struggles from a Motherless Bride

He said, “I wish your mom were here.”

Me, too, dad. Me, too.

As the days push forward and my September wedding draws closer, I acknowledge that I am really struggling with my mom’s absence during this should-be happy time.

Wedding planning hasn’t been my thing, and I probably make everything about it 10-times more complicated than it has to be because that is who I am.

But, I think my lack of motivation to finish planning this major life event stems from the fact that my mom is not here to share this time with, and I wish more than anything that she could be.

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Things not to say to a motherless daughter (or anyone else who is grieving)

Writer’s note: I originally penned this four months ago in December as part of my Merry Blogmas series. I never shared it, though, and recently revisited and revised it for publication. 


As I approach my eighth year as a motherless daughter, I am confident in saying that I have learned much about the grieving process. There is still much that I do not know or understand, but I am at a point in my life where I am comfortable and willing to share my knowledge and experiences in the hopes of helping someone else who stands where I have already stood on this road.

Between the years of 2007 and 2013, I lost my mom, my remaining three grandparents, and my stand-in mom (my best friend’s mom). Even though I have encountered all this loss within such a short timeframe, I am fully aware that it is difficult to find the right words to say to someone who is grieving. You want to be a good friend and express condolences, and I understand that.

Allow me to be blunt for a moment, though.

There are things I absolutely will not say to a person who has lost someone, and you shouldn’t say them either.

These are common phrases that were said to me after my mom’s passing — whether it be immediately after or through the years following her death.

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A letter to all women who just miss their mom

To my lady friends and fellow motherless daughters — women of all ages, women I know personally, women I have connected with through social media because of my status as a motherless daughter, and women out there who I have never met but share the same grief with: My broken heart aches for you. I know the loneliness you feel and the pain that comes with missing your mom.

I was 19 when my mom died in 2009, and at the time of her passing I did not think about the long-term grief that I would battle for the rest of my life. I did not know that as time moved forward and my life evolved, I would wake up some mornings completely fine and by the end of the day, I would be in tears because I just missed my mom so much.

Becoming a motherless daughter happens in an instant — the moment she takes her final breath is the moment your life is forever changed. I will spend the rest of my life longing for her, and that is the burden of being a motherless daughter — a burden many of us know too well.

rosie-odonnell-quote

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2017: The Year I Became an Adult

We are a mere 22 days in to the new year and I am confident in saying that I will look back on 2017 as the year I became a responsible and functioning adult.

I am a 26-year-old — almost 27-year-old — woman and until this point, I haven’t felt like a real grown-up. Yes, I go to work each day at a job in a professional environment, I cook meals, I clean my house, I care for my pets, and I pay my bills (almost always on time). Despite all that, though, I still feel like I am a 16-year-old girl dreaming about how great her future will be.

2017-blog-girl-snap-out-of-it

I finally had my coming to Jesus moment late last year — sometime after I didn’t get the job at College of Charleston — and realized I will never get where I want to be if I do not decide exactly where that is. I will forever be living in this state of restlessness where nothing productive actually gets done.

I have officially reached the point in my 20s where I am past my quarter-life crisis and am ready and motivated to become an adult.

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My grand holiday ideas and how I failed at each one

Now that we are a little more than one-week away from Christmas, I feel comfortable admitting that I 100 percent failed at checking items off my holiday ideas list. And I have a sneaking suspicion that I am not the only one who let themselves down this year.

I know, I know. From today, I still have 10 days to spread as much Christmas cheer as my Grinch-like self can muster, but I am just not feeling it and am ready to tap out. I think I will go ahead and write Christmas 2016 off as a “try it again next year” year.

Perhaps 2017 will be kinder to this list of fails:

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Updated motherless daughter thoughts on the holidays

For the first time in a long time, I am truly excited about Christmas.

When you are dealing with grief from parent loss, even years after your parent is gone, the holidays are an especially difficult time.

For the last 8 years or so, I feel as if I have gone through the motions and celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas because that’s what everyone else around me was doing. Underneath the surface, though, there was a large part of me that wanted to just get through the holiday season and into the new year as quickly as possible.

This year is different. I am actually looking forward to decorating, Christmas shopping, wrapping gifts, baking cookies, visiting family, doing generous things for others, and simply enjoying the spirit of the season.

I don’t know exactly what changed this year because I still miss my mom very much — the desire to have her here is a feeling that will forever be present in my life.

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